Maybe it's a little of both. He's a little too good, you're worth caring about. It can be both of them.
[there it is - that urge to fight back tears - she's done it so many times, especially at his age. there's a huge urge to do something when she's on the other side of it - but she's respecting his boundaries, and even though he's not the kind of kid to ask for a hug ...maybe ever, he'll have to make it more clear to her if she can cross that line. until then she will respectfully lower her eyes a little - but there's no shame in crying - she's long past thinking that ...at least when it comes to other people. especially over things like this.]
You think I'm strong and brave. I can ...remember lots of times I wasn't.
There are all kinds of ways to be strong, Jun. I think we're just different kinds of strong. Some people would go through that ....what you had to do and they'd ...I dunno, maybe they'd never be able to really be a person again? They'd just give up on trying and stay in the ocean and never come here.
Or maybe they wouldn't have gotten as far as you did. Been able to give their---
[is that a tear making its way out her her? sure. does she try to wipe it away? nah.]
---life like you did. I think you're brave.
[she'd like for him to get better, but there are a lot of murky, muddled feelings lately as to what constitutes 'better'. mostly, she'd like him to cut himself more slack. pot. kettle. all that.]
Maybe better is just ...maybe we just change a little every day. As things happen. If you had to compare how you felt after Manabu offered you a place, after he told you he gave a shit, would you say that's better than how you felt before?
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branchandroot
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Date: 2022-09-17 10:05 pm (UTC)[there it is - that urge to fight back tears - she's done it so many times, especially at his age. there's a huge urge to do something when she's on the other side of it - but she's respecting his boundaries, and even though he's not the kind of kid to ask for a hug ...maybe ever, he'll have to make it more clear to her if she can cross that line. until then she will respectfully lower her eyes a little - but there's no shame in crying - she's long past thinking that ...at least when it comes to other people. especially over things like this.]
You think I'm strong and brave. I can ...remember lots of times I wasn't.
There are all kinds of ways to be strong, Jun. I think we're just different kinds of strong. Some people would go through that ....what you had to do and they'd ...I dunno, maybe they'd never be able to really be a person again? They'd just give up on trying and stay in the ocean and never come here.
Or maybe they wouldn't have gotten as far as you did. Been able to give their---
[is that a tear making its way out her her? sure. does she try to wipe it away? nah.]
---life like you did. I think you're brave.
[she'd like for him to get better, but there are a lot of murky, muddled feelings lately as to what constitutes 'better'. mostly, she'd like him to cut himself more slack. pot. kettle. all that.]
Maybe better is just ...maybe we just change a little every day. As things happen. If you had to compare how you felt after Manabu offered you a place, after he told you he gave a shit, would you say that's better than how you felt before?
[it's something.]