a beat and he glances down. he hopes it was kind. he'll find yoichi and apologize regardless, just... killing is so much. it's so much. he thinks jun is stronger than anyone could possibly realize for living with what he has.
and then a little nod.] I guess that's it. My powers are my emotions, in a way. They're connected so... it's important not to get too emotional.
[having him say that waking up during it was an improvement makes him glance up.] You think so? I couldn't really do anything but... maybe. [that gives him a little bit of hope. maybe jun's right? maybe his control during those times could get stronger, this wasn't backtracking.]
Robby um... wanted me to do that. [very quiet again for a moment.] I got into a fight with Ritsu before all this, and Robby thought I should let it out, how I felt. I thought it helped but... then this happened anyway.
... What happens if you have good emotions with them, then?
[But he nods at the question, offering the hint of a smile.]
I'm trying to get better at that myself. It's... a slow process, from what I've been told.
[A beat, and he takes the other teen's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.]
Sometimes... things happen. And they're bad, and all you can do is clean up after it. But... that doesn't mean it'll always be bad, you know? ... It might seem like you'll never get better, but... you will.
[that gives him pause, a moment to consider.] I guess it depends? When I was really grateful to Robby I made a bunch of plants grow and his hair too... I guess it isn't usually as bad if it's a positive emotion, but it's still kind of a mess.
[it's abnormal.
but jun has that hint of a smile, and mob thinks he's never seen jun smile before. which isn't right, jun is a really good friend, ritsu's age too. he even takes mob's hand and mob can't help but squeeze back, throat feeling a little tight. (89%)]
... I'm really- really glad we met, Jun. [very softly, a bit shaky in tone, certainly more emotion than he's shown in a while.] You're really brave. I always knew, since you were trying to change, but now- I think I understand a little better. How hard it must be.
[living with guilt like this. he's had a lot of guilt since that first time with ritsu but this compounds it in a way that seems impossible to see past.
but jun believes in him, and thinks things can get better. has been through so much, and thinks that. and that means something.]
[Positive is positive, negative is negative. He can follow that. He's curious about it but doesn't want to push further. Maybe another day, but not now. He huffs in amusement.]
The thing about being brave is you don't usually feel brave. It feels like pretending, so the people around you don't get worried. But... that doesn't change the fact that you are being brave.
[He hesitates before going on, trying to think of something.]
... There's a thing called 'imposter syndrome', where you feel like you're not worthy of being around people because you think that they're smarter than you or kinder than you or somehow more worthy than you. And a lot of times more than one person in that group has it, which means that they think you're smarter or more kind or whatever. And knowing what it is - your brain tricking you about things - doesn't make it go away, but sometimes it makes it easier.
If I'm brave, so are you. You didn't run away. You didn't hide.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2023-04-06 10:51 pm (UTC)a beat and he glances down. he hopes it was kind. he'll find yoichi and apologize regardless, just... killing is so much. it's so much. he thinks jun is stronger than anyone could possibly realize for living with what he has.
and then a little nod.] I guess that's it. My powers are my emotions, in a way. They're connected so... it's important not to get too emotional.
[having him say that waking up during it was an improvement makes him glance up.] You think so? I couldn't really do anything but... maybe. [that gives him a little bit of hope. maybe jun's right? maybe his control during those times could get stronger, this wasn't backtracking.]
Robby um... wanted me to do that. [very quiet again for a moment.] I got into a fight with Ritsu before all this, and Robby thought I should let it out, how I felt. I thought it helped but... then this happened anyway.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-07 01:28 am (UTC)[But he nods at the question, offering the hint of a smile.]
I'm trying to get better at that myself. It's... a slow process, from what I've been told.
[A beat, and he takes the other teen's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.]
Sometimes... things happen. And they're bad, and all you can do is clean up after it. But... that doesn't mean it'll always be bad, you know? ... It might seem like you'll never get better, but... you will.
I... I believe in you.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-11 05:52 am (UTC)[it's abnormal.
but jun has that hint of a smile, and mob thinks he's never seen jun smile before. which isn't right, jun is a really good friend, ritsu's age too. he even takes mob's hand and mob can't help but squeeze back, throat feeling a little tight. (89%)]
... I'm really- really glad we met, Jun. [very softly, a bit shaky in tone, certainly more emotion than he's shown in a while.] You're really brave. I always knew, since you were trying to change, but now- I think I understand a little better. How hard it must be.
[living with guilt like this. he's had a lot of guilt since that first time with ritsu but this compounds it in a way that seems impossible to see past.
but jun believes in him, and thinks things can get better. has been through so much, and thinks that. and that means something.]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-12 05:02 pm (UTC)[Positive is positive, negative is negative. He can follow that. He's curious about it but doesn't want to push further. Maybe another day, but not now. He huffs in amusement.]
The thing about being brave is you don't usually feel brave. It feels like pretending, so the people around you don't get worried. But... that doesn't change the fact that you are being brave.
[He hesitates before going on, trying to think of something.]
... There's a thing called 'imposter syndrome', where you feel like you're not worthy of being around people because you think that they're smarter than you or kinder than you or somehow more worthy than you. And a lot of times more than one person in that group has it, which means that they think you're smarter or more kind or whatever. And knowing what it is - your brain tricking you about things - doesn't make it go away, but sometimes it makes it easier.
If I'm brave, so are you. You didn't run away. You didn't hide.