[she remembers the mention of jun in falco's post now - now that she's more focused, and that a clear line of mention's been made. there had been something about an apology, yeah. what an unexpected ride that whole series of conversations had been. she should check to see if all the borrowed things have been returned. but that can wait - she's not going to pry into their business now - and last she heard, falco was not in any danger of losing a hand or two.]
Okay.
[she'll set off as soon as it comes, in her hunter gear rather than casual clothes - bag and kit at the ready even though it's crenshaw, and supposedly safe as houses. heh. can't be too careful now that more weird shit has started.]
[He realizes she's coming over and so he heads downstairs. It's... a modest house, given that there's a lot of people living in it. There's not too much of an issue, though there's weirdly a tent in the living room?]
[Whatever.]
[He sits on the couch and waits for her - after making some tea. He has no idea if she drinks tea, but it seems like the thing to do.]
[she will drink anything. except possibly a flaming shot. she's quick about it, and finds the residence without issue - a good credit goes to the map she was given. she'll knock, because that's what you're supposed to do.]
[she knows. she pretends she isn't either - and maybe it's that she used to be and that had been beaten out of her - lost to suspicious and trauma and a whole host of things. she pretends not to care about a lot of things, and sometimes she forgets she's pretending.
gonna help herself to that tea, though, before she sits down next to him, but not too close.]
I get 'em too. I can't do shit about mine right now but ...I might be able to help a little with yours.
[she sighs a little, looks down, lets a bit more of her guard drop. she doesn't have to have all her shit together here, not for this.]
I'm not sure how long it'll take or if it'll even work, but I wanna test it before I go giving you a bunch of false hope. Think of something vaguely shitty. Not nightmare level bad. Just something that sets your teeth on edge.
And then tell me if it's less ...annoying after a couple minutes.
[He looks up at her in confusion, but... well. He might as well try. He nods and thinks of his friends trying to show him porn, He rolls his eyes and grits his teeth, trying to hold onto the feeling of anger.]
[It does... start to fade after a little bit. He tilts his head, puzzled by it, and then nods again.]
[A little worse? What's between annoying friends and nightmare? He thinks on it for a little and then settles on thinking about Tanaka. How she abandoned him with someone who wasn't prepared for a child.]
[He clutches the armrest of the couch, trying to not grit his teeth. He's... doing his best to keep his cool.]
[But it does seem to fade, at least a little, and finally he feels like he can breathe. He tilts his head as he looks over at Vi.]
It's not so much me as it's my blood. I felt it too ...from another Vileblood. That's how I was able to guess. You know how people's blood gets weird sometimes, and not just in the way we're used to? I think it's that. It's gotta be.
[she's quiet a moment, using the pause to down the rest of the tea.]
Even my sister is a little more even keeled, a little calmer ...so yeah. That's what it is.
[That's... strange. He doesn't want to admit that their blood can do weird things - more weird things. He still hasn't gotten control of his own abilities, whatever they might be. He sighs and sinks into the cushions a little more.]
[that. gets a laugh. would she do it? sure. but that wasn't her like of thinking.]
I'm gonna have this blood, what I've got right now made into some stones to put in something for you to keep. A jar maybe.
[the plankton from the ship and the deep ocean roads still retained its glow, so why not this? she can only try.]
But. If you ever need me to sit watch, I can do that, too. [she nods to the tent] But you've got people. If you've got Manabu on your side that's a good thing. I can sit here and read a book if you wanna try a nap, your call.
[He reaches over and gives her an awkward shoulder pat, trying to be comforting. He's not... good at that.]
No, I'm... I'm good. Usually my omen's pretty good at sitting on me - like one of those weighted blanket kind of things? It's weird but it does help a little bit.
[Speaking of the omen in question, the large golden retriever wanders up to Vi and sits on her foot.]
Oh come on, don't be rude.
[The dog huffs and puts his head in Vi's lap. Cuddles, please.]
[she's surprised at how much blood she can lose here, honestly. and you know what, jun? a lot of her own comforting was a little awkward at his age - she'd received her share of it in return, too.they were a bunch of kids trying to project an aura of 'i've seen it all' and comfort wasn't exactly in the "too big for my badass britches" manual.( mylo was never very good at it either, but sometimes (when no one was around) he tried.) but she offers jun a tired, sincere smile that says he's doing just fine.
and suddenly doggo.]
Hey there.
[foot sitting is a ok. it's encouraged. cuddles? hell yeah, that's even better. who could resist this? she sets the teacup down, so she can use both hands for this. all the pets. it's easier to say this with a dog there, a gentle redirect so that she can stay calm. unfortunately, any calm she's leaking into the air doesn't affect her. which ...sucks.]
Look, I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I get ...I don't sleep well. I know people that hear voices. I've heard them before, too, just not the same kind. Crazy is ...I don't even know what that means when it comes to stuff like this. Not even sure if it means anything.
I just want to help if I can, cause then that's one less person having to deal with so much bullshit.
[i only meant to help - great timing for an intrusive thought, but there it is - powder's voice, and her own failure to handle ...everything. how much "better" would she have handled herself in jun's situation? she might have found a way to fuck that up too, make it worse.]
[The doggo wags his tail and leans into the pets. Good... yes, let him be a therapy doggo. He can do that, at least. He sensed Jun was getting uncomfortable but he wants to help Vi, too. She's important to Jun, after all.]
I... appreciate it. It's not... it's not that I don't. I just... want you to take care of yourself, too.
Someone like me isn't high on the priority list for anyone, and that's... fine. I'm okay with that. I'm not special. I'm just... a normal kid.
[Who had to deal with an abnormal situation, who dealt with it the best he could but it still feels like he didn't deal with it well enough...]
I'm good. I've got people too, even if I didn't want 'em to start with.
[a soft, rueful smile. she'd let alayne in almost by accident, and then it just snowballed. it had been easy, even. sometimes she wonders how much of that is the design of trench, the idea of second chances. most of the time, she doesn't care. it doesn't matter why it happened - now it just is.]
I wouldn't say that's true. You think Manabu would give you a place to stay if you didn't matter? He's a good dude, but come on, that's---
---you matter to him, and you matter to me. Think I'd be here if you weren't a priority? I could've been like "sucks" and went on with my day.
[would she have done that to someone else? maybe not that rudely, no, and maybe not at all, but there wouldn't have been such a sense of urgency.
petting the dog helps. saying this stuff out loud helps, too.]
Looks like we're in two clubs together, kid. Cause I'm not special either.
[do they merge the badges? get two badges? 'people who hate themselves and are not special' meeting is in session.]
... I don't know. Maybe. He's too nice for his own good.
[But to take him under his wing? He's not sure. He closes his eyes for a moment, just trying to... breathe. He's not got any sort of magical powers, he's not a great athlete, he's smart but his education is limited...]
[Why do people care? It's a question he's asked himself so many times here and he's never gotten a real answer. His eyes suddenly feel itchy, like he's about to cry - he rubs at them furiously, trying to keep that from happening. He doesn't need that, not now. Not in front of Vi. His eyes open partway, just enough to stare at his hands.]
I'm - I mean I think you are. You can do so much... you're strong and brave. I'm not... either of those things.
... I know that there's no guarantee I'll ever be 'better' from what happened to me... from what I had to do. But sometimes I wish... I wish I could just... suddenly be better. It's like being sick, but you don't know how long it'll last.
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icanhearscreams) wrote2022-07-03 02:21 pm
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deercountry]
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I'm... at home. I... I guess it's home now. It's Manabu's house, along with some others. He took me in after I couldn't sleep from the nightmares.
I'm just... tired. Some nights I can sleep but... other nights any little sound will wake me up.
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Are you alone right now?
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... Yeah, I am. Why?
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I've got an idea. Bear with me, and I'll be there in a bit if you're okay with that. It's the Roost, yeah? You're living in it? Above it?
[she lived basically in a bar, once, in another life.]
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[He's not gonna comment on the asshole brains thing. He knows, it's just... hard.]
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Okay.
[she'll set off as soon as it comes, in her hunter gear rather than casual clothes - bag and kit at the ready even though it's crenshaw, and supposedly safe as houses. heh. can't be too careful now that more weird shit has started.]
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[Whatever.]
[He sits on the couch and waits for her - after making some tea. He has no idea if she drinks tea, but it seems like the thing to do.]
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... Everything okay?
[She didn't really explain why she wanted to come over, after all.]
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I think so? I wanna try something if you're cool with it. It's only a little weird, and we don't have to hug or anything.
It's not more crunches, either.
Do you have a place you like to sit? I need to sit near you, I think.
[headtilt. is that a ...tent?]
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[He motions to the couch and brings the tea over to the little table in front of it.]
Good. You know I'm not the hugging type.
[He'll just... settle into the couch, then.]
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gonna help herself to that tea, though, before she sits down next to him, but not too close.]
How often you get nightmares?
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At least a few times a week. It's... really annoying. Why?
[He's not really the type to admit that but... Vi is safe.]
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[she sighs a little, looks down, lets a bit more of her guard drop. she doesn't have to have all her shit together here, not for this.]
I'm not sure how long it'll take or if it'll even work, but I wanna test it before I go giving you a bunch of false hope. Think of something vaguely shitty. Not nightmare level bad. Just something that sets your teeth on edge.
And then tell me if it's less ...annoying after a couple minutes.
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[It does... start to fade after a little bit. He tilts his head, puzzled by it, and then nods again.]
I think... it's working. A little.
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[she thinks she's already got it, but she just wants to make sure.]
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[He clutches the armrest of the couch, trying to not grit his teeth. He's... doing his best to keep his cool.]
[But it does seem to fade, at least a little, and finally he feels like he can breathe. He tilts his head as he looks over at Vi.]
What are you doing?
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[she's quiet a moment, using the pause to down the rest of the tea.]
Even my sister is a little more even keeled, a little calmer ...so yeah. That's what it is.
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[That's... strange. He doesn't want to admit that their blood can do weird things - more weird things. He still hasn't gotten control of his own abilities, whatever they might be. He sighs and sinks into the cushions a little more.]
So what, you're going to tuck me into bed?
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I'm gonna have this blood, what I've got right now made into some stones to put in something for you to keep. A jar maybe.
[the plankton from the ship and the deep ocean roads still retained its glow, so why not this? she can only try.]
But. If you ever need me to sit watch, I can do that, too. [she nods to the tent] But you've got people. If you've got Manabu on your side that's a good thing. I can sit here and read a book if you wanna try a nap, your call.
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[He reaches over and gives her an awkward shoulder pat, trying to be comforting. He's not... good at that.]
No, I'm... I'm good. Usually my omen's pretty good at sitting on me - like one of those weighted blanket kind of things? It's weird but it does help a little bit.
[Speaking of the omen in question, the large golden retriever wanders up to Vi and sits on her foot.]
Oh come on, don't be rude.
[The dog huffs and puts his head in Vi's lap. Cuddles, please.]
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[she's surprised at how much blood she can lose here, honestly. and you know what, jun? a lot of her own comforting was a little awkward at his age - she'd received her share of it in return, too.they were a bunch of kids trying to project an aura of 'i've seen it all' and comfort wasn't exactly in the "too big for my badass britches" manual.( mylo was never very good at it either, but sometimes (when no one was around) he tried.) but she offers jun a tired, sincere smile that says he's doing just fine.
and suddenly doggo.]
Hey there.
[foot sitting is a ok. it's encouraged. cuddles? hell yeah, that's even better. who could resist this? she sets the teacup down, so she can use both hands for this. all the pets. it's easier to say this with a dog there, a gentle redirect so that she can stay calm. unfortunately, any calm she's leaking into the air doesn't affect her. which ...sucks.]
Look, I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I get ...I don't sleep well. I know people that hear voices. I've heard them before, too, just not the same kind. Crazy is ...I don't even know what that means when it comes to stuff like this. Not even sure if it means anything.
I just want to help if I can, cause then that's one less person having to deal with so much bullshit.
[i only meant to help - great timing for an intrusive thought, but there it is - powder's voice, and her own failure to handle ...everything. how much "better" would she have handled herself in jun's situation? she might have found a way to fuck that up too, make it worse.]
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I... appreciate it. It's not... it's not that I don't. I just... want you to take care of yourself, too.
Someone like me isn't high on the priority list for anyone, and that's... fine. I'm okay with that. I'm not special. I'm just... a normal kid.
[Who had to deal with an abnormal situation, who dealt with it the best he could but it still feels like he didn't deal with it well enough...]
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[a soft, rueful smile. she'd let alayne in almost by accident, and then it just snowballed. it had been easy, even. sometimes she wonders how much of that is the design of trench, the idea of second chances. most of the time, she doesn't care. it doesn't matter why it happened - now it just is.]
I wouldn't say that's true. You think Manabu would give you a place to stay if you didn't matter? He's a good dude, but come on, that's---
---you matter to him, and you matter to me. Think I'd be here if you weren't a priority? I could've been like "sucks" and went on with my day.
[would she have done that to someone else? maybe not that rudely, no, and maybe not at all, but there wouldn't have been such a sense of urgency.
petting the dog helps. saying this stuff out loud helps, too.]
Looks like we're in two clubs together, kid. Cause I'm not special either.
[do they merge the badges? get two badges? 'people who hate themselves and are not special' meeting is in session.]
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[But to take him under his wing? He's not sure. He closes his eyes for a moment, just trying to... breathe. He's not got any sort of magical powers, he's not a great athlete, he's smart but his education is limited...]
[Why do people care? It's a question he's asked himself so many times here and he's never gotten a real answer. His eyes suddenly feel itchy, like he's about to cry - he rubs at them furiously, trying to keep that from happening. He doesn't need that, not now. Not in front of Vi. His eyes open partway, just enough to stare at his hands.]
I'm - I mean I think you are. You can do so much... you're strong and brave. I'm not... either of those things.
... I know that there's no guarantee I'll ever be 'better' from what happened to me... from what I had to do. But sometimes I wish... I wish I could just... suddenly be better. It's like being sick, but you don't know how long it'll last.
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cw: suicide mention
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